Day 66: My Surefire Best Sleep Aid

The transition from evening thoughts and activities to restful sleep is usually a bumpy one for me. I lay in bed, my mind races: I have to order sweet potatoes first thing in the morning, how will my meeting go with the lawyer, and all the other random thoughts bounce around my head. My body has stopped, and my mind trails on.

I have discovered one sure-fire action that dissipates all worry, all fear, all pinball-brain.

I take a deep breath, and as I exhale, say, “Thank you for this day.”

This works for me in such a shortcut kind of way because I have spent many, many nights doing the longhand version. “Thank you for…”  It starts with healthy children and husband, safe-warm-dry house, food to eat, clean air and water, good soil, amazing friends, loving family. Then I start to see all the things that went well during the day: tickling party with the girls, a special moment with a friend, a good talk with my hunny, some progress on my work. Before I know it, I’m practically drowning in good news, warm and happy thoughts, and feeling privileged.

When I’ve had a particularly trying or fearful day, I have to drag the good thoughts out of myself. Well, I have legs to walk on. I have eyes to see with. I was able to chew my food. I could breathe. Even on those nights, I eventually get to feeling good, though it takes me a bit longer.

It is commonly said that, if you are reading this on a computer, you are wealthier than 85% of the world’s population. So cheer up. You’ve already won the lottery, not through anything you did to deserve it, but just by sheer luck.

After years of practicing this kind of gratitude, it’s now Pavlovian: I say, “Thank you for this day,” and my entire body relaxes like I’ve sunk into a hot springs. My mind floods with some lovely chemical – endorphins? (a word that always makes me think of happy dolphins). I am always asleep within a minute, or at least I never remember more than a minute more of wakefulness or worry.

Lisa

Day 32: Little Bits

I have no big topic today. I’m going to remind myself of the steps I’m making.

* I fell asleep last night with my kids at 8:30. When I awoke an hour later, I went straight to bed, and it was GREAT!  I slept til 6:30 and had a great 10-hour sleep. Honestly, I would have slept even longer if I hadn’t had to wake for getting the kids ready for school.

* I drank a big glass of water with my allergy pill.

* After they hopped on the bus, I had three bites of their leftover still-warm oatmeal with dried cherries, raisins, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla.

* Then I danced for three songs, hard. Delightful.

* Meditation. A short prayer. My morning pages: 3 pages of unrestrained word flow.

* I volunteer at my daughters’ elementary school art class every week, Wednesdays and Fridays. So for an hour I coached first graders as they drew dinosaurs with chalk and paint them in.

* Deposited some checks at the bank, and I could have walked, but I forgot.

* Then, strangely enough, the thing I most wanted to do with my day I put off a bit… I made myself a nice hot meal: a tortilla with turkey, some of my Mild Tex-Mex, and some Cabot cheddar. Yumster.

* I read the newspaper briefly.

* Emails. Facebook. Improved the blog appearance to better match who I am.

* Put up a bunch more photos on my website that were long overdue, and changed the photo display to a slideshow.

* Then I finally got to it. I worked for about two hours to reset my vision wall. In my office I have a whole wall dedicated to a physical array of post-its that radiate out from my vision statement. The post-its are all various levels of steps to take.  I hadn’t updated it for months, but now it is really a gorgeous, adjustable, and useful visual business plan.

* I put a beef roast in the oven on a delay, so it would be ready by dinnertime. It was from a local grass-fed beef farmer, and I’ve been saving it for a special dinner. I decided to make this the day for “special”.

* I checked in on some last emails and quickly got ready for skiing: long underwear, ski pants, hand warmers, water, snacks. And I raced off to take four girls from school to ski and boarding lessons. At the mountain I made sure they had their gear on, then scooted off to teach the eight first and second graders who are first-timers in our group. I love the Ford Sayre ski program, because it’s so effective and all run by volunteers. I laughed a lot and constantly cheered the kids on. It was a little exhausting, but in a good way.

* The girls all had a great lesson, and I had a complete thrill with the kids I teach. I try to keep a straight face when I say the word teach in relation to myself and skiing. But I guess I do know a little more about it than the six and seven year olds….

* We had hot cocoa and I sipped some joyfully from Hope’s and Bella’s. Dropped kids off at their houses.

* To go with the beef roast I sauteed some Brussels sprouts and asparagus, warmed up some sweet potatoes in the oven, and made a salad. We had just a little bit of lettuce, a lot of red pepper (maybe the sweetest one I’ve ever had), olives, marinated artichoke hearts, cucumber. I ate two servings of everything, and it was outstanding.

* I sat with Hope while she struggled with a part of her homework. Bella fell sound asleep on her bed, in her jammies and bathrobe, even before she brushed her teeth. That terrible feeling of kids going to sleep without brushing. I feel such guilt over that.

* Did some work on our finances. More sitting at a computer.

* Writing this. More sitting at a computer.

* Now going to bed, not a 10-hour night ahead of me, but almost eight, if I get going now.

I don’t have a perfect plan or a perfect existence, according to any magazine I’ve ever seen. I’m fine with that. I had a great, happy, fun, satisfying day, one more in a long line of great, happy, fun, satisfying days.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day 30: What Works, So Far

I don’t know what to attribute it to exactly, but I am still feeling great. People ask me how I’m doing casually, the way people do, and I can’t help but break into a huge smile and say, great, better than ever. And I’m not kidding, not exaggerating. I don’t know if I have ever felt this well.

I’m on a quest to find What Works. So far, what have I learned?

I think it started with feeling so badly last month that I was willing to ask for help.

And now the weekly megadose of Vitamin D has surely had an impact on my mood and overall sense of well-being. It makes me want to tell everyone I know to get a blood test immediately, but I try to refrain.

I have kept my commitment to my morning routine of meditation, prayer, and writing, and adjusted it to put movement first.

Giving up external food rules has freed me from the constant anxiety, shame, guilt, resentment, and fear I’ve carried since I was ten years old, and has left me lighter emotionally by two dozen pounds.

Practicing trusting my biology has so far naturally kept me from overeating and has led me to crave healthier food than I have wanted in a long time.

Learning what self-love means and acting on what I really want in my life has changed the way I treat myself on a lot of levels.

Writing about my process of discovery has made it more real for me, shown me already some of my changes.

Meeting with a counselor has given me a new and very helpful perspective on several issues in my life.

Getting more sleep has been a definite help.

Making it a point to surround myself with inspirational readings and audio interviews has chased out a bit of the garbage in my head and replaced it with some badly needed new thoughts.

So, so far so good. Now off to bed, because I’ve proven that it works.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day 29: I Chose S*x Over You Last Night

Our girls are six and nine years old. They are great. And parenting is a delight and the biggest challenge ever. So when it turned out that, at the last minute, both girls ended up at sleepovers, on the same night, there was no way I was spending an hour writing a blog post about my health. I just jumped on the chance to improve it.

You know this, right? That s*x is better than just about anything for your health? Maybe better for you than vegetables! It seems that everywhere I turned in early January, there was some magazine article urging you to get naked to improve fitness, reduce risk of heart disease, reduce depression, and increase immune response. Well, since I am supposed to be studying up on my health… I decided, ahem, that I should sacrifice myself for science and do my own research.

I don’t know how to put this delicately, but… it’s extremely rare that we don’t have a sleeping child in the next room, and we took advantage of the absence. There is a certain thrill to hushed intimacy, but that wore off years ago from my point of view. Until last night, I had somehow  forgotten (how depressing!) the utter joy of an empty house for a night. I’ll just say that my research proves these magazine authors to be brilliant reporters.

Once a year, I take my husband away – on his birthday weekend – without kids. I find a friend or two to house our kids, and I surprise him with a trip to somewhere we’ve never spent time before. Rockport MA. Portsmouth NH. Woodstock NH. It’s lovely to have a full weekend with no one to think of but ourselves. We hike, we eat, we watch tv, we wander to museums and yard sales, we make love, and mostly we walk all over, for miles every day, just exploring. It’s relaxed, no schedule whatsoever, usually chilly (late October), refreshing, and fascinating. Vast hours of time, with every moment a precious drop in the oasis. I know we, ummm, increase our longevity on those trips. But slowly, over nine years of children, I’ve felt less and less like raising my endorphins at home, surrounded by strewn laundry and squeaky toys and sharp-edged legos all over the floor, at the end of a long day and right after reading Frog and Toad and washing out the bathtub.

Last night’s experiment, however, has changed my mind a little. Couples always say how you have to make an effort: date nights, a good list of babysitters, candles, and if you’re lucky a parent or two nearby (we’re not lucky in that way). You have to train yourself to remember way back to the time when the way you loved each other was palpable and less like sturdy boots. I have decided that I’ve been too easily discouraged, and while I’m not planning to keep this report too updated, consider this a vote for upping that immune system.

Lisa Johnson, happy wife

Day 22: Failure? Or “Redefining Productivity”?

Today is one of those days. It feels like everything is too hard.

My daughter woke me at a very reasonable hour, except I had only had about 5 hours’ sleep. She wakes me up so sweetly that you can’t possibly find fault with her: she climbs onto the bed and snuggles up to me, and ever so lightly pets my hair, then pauses, then wiggles her position a little, then… pauses… then runs her hand over my back. Pretty soon I’m so wide awake from this delicate torture that I’m almost screaming. It’s the pauses. I pray fervently, “Please let her fall asleep, please let her fall asleep, pleeeeeasssse let her fall asleep!”  And during the pauses I fool myself into thinking this spritely angel could actually, possibly be drifting off to sleep. Then she lightly puts her head up against my back. Then another pause, and I close my eyes hopefully. After the tenth time, I’m now waiting expectantly during the pause, and it doesn’t matter if she touches me or not, I’m awake, w – i – d – e – awake.

So I failed at getting enough sleep during my sleep experiment week, and without enough rest I’d like to fail at everything else, too. This morning, after Greg took Bella downstairs to try to let me sleep a little more, I tried, I really did. But no dice. In trooped the three of them, with three beautiful craft projects Hope had made me yesterday while I was away: a tin-foil covered heart with “I love you” carved into it, a four layer paper cut out heart all decorated, and a 20-page scrapbook she made by cutting out photos and writing a cute caption under them, on hand-cut colored paper. This was particularly cheering, because she modeled it on the scrapbook I made over Christmas, and I was flattered as well as impressed with her sense of humor and artistic eye.

In a final act of desperation, after I oohed appropriately and they filed out, I tried one last pointless time to sleep. Ten minutes later I finally opened my eyes and thought, this room has too many books that we don’t read. So I thought, I’ll sell some to the used book store. I pulled down a couple I bought for $15 each, before kids, at a specialty used book store, but never really read. I read through them and they were nice, but not something I’ll read any more. So I made a stack to let go of.

Then I made myself do a little movement and yoga (not through willpower, but by thinking, “I’ll feel better if I do this loving thing for myself”), did my meditation, did my writing. They made a breakfast that doesn’t work for me, but the girls had made the crepes and the eggs, so I ate it gratefully, though I would have much preferred some vegetables. (I guess this is kind of odd, but not in our house.)

We then embarked on one of those big weekend cleaning project: dishes out of and into dishwasher, clothes in and out of washer and dryer and folded and put away, table cleaned and polished, garbage out, desks cleaned off, rooms cleaned. This took us to lunchtime, and I made lunch because he had started doing the girls’ hair (usually several hours each weekend). Since I was cooking, we got vegetables! Lots of onion and red cabbage, with added leftover beef-with-sweet-potato-noodles (no, I didn’t make them – from Yama, the Korean restaurant), more leftover beef and leftover broccoli. It was delicious. I’m great at taking leftovers and making them into something fantastic. As they finished hair I cleaned off my office desk, then lay down to read for a few minutes. Soon I was asleep. An hour or so later I woke up, went straight to the chocolate covered raisins, and ate them all (about 1/2 cup).

My goal had been to take my free skiing lesson this morning at 9, but there was no way today, without more sleep. So failure. Then the girls were going to come too so we could ski and board together, but we never got to that. So failure. I was going to give Greg most of the day off from kids, but that didn’t work out. So failure. I like eating well, but had a little chocolate. So failure. That’s what I was thinking when I started typing.

But now I write all this, and realize that we cleaned the house, the girls made crafts, we ate well, I had a nap, the kids had a fun indoor day with their daddy, and they learned a little more about responsibility for themselves. I got my desk cleared off and stuff filed, they drank mugs of tea, and I videotaped them having a great wrestling game together. I didn’t yell at a sweet little girl for waking me up way before I was ready. It was a nice day. I just failed at the things that were originally on the list. So does that mean I failed? No, it means it wasn’t the right list, and we succeeded as a family at doing the next right thing, though Bella is disappointed we didn’t get to ski today. But, she reminded me, tomorrow is a holiday and we can maybe go then.

One of Tama Kieves‘ exercises is to redefine productivity. I’ve resisted that because my tendency is to imagine that I have high standards and the rest of the world has lower ones. And that when people say to change my expectations, that’s really code to lower my expectations. I’m learning (slowly) that’s not true, but decades of overachievement die hard. I’m trying to see that today was practice at redefining productivity for myself.

When I’m this tired, I know better than to bother making decisions, or even judgments, if I can help it. But writing this is helping me to see that, tired as I am, I haven’t failed today. I have failed at achieving superhuman, distasteful, impossible perfection. But I have succeeded at taking care of myself the best I could under these circumstances (skiing while so tired could have been dangerous for me today).  I took a day to rest, restore, and recover from a busy week and a long, hard trip yesterday. I have loved my children as well as I could, and we have laughed and enjoyed each other. So not failure. Success.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day 21: First Things (Not) First

It’s after midnight. I just got back from a harrowing drive, after visiting friends in Boston. I knew there might be flurries, but wasn’t prepared (why not?! It’s January!) for the little storm that went on my entire time in New Hampshire. I grew up driving in this weather, and I never used to get too worked up about it. I also know to do certain things: drive slowly, look out for the crazy people going 65 in an inch of soupy slishy snow, don’t drive at all if you don’t have to, and, of course, put your studded snow tires on in November.

My studded snows are in the shed. It’s January 15th, and they’re in the shed. I drive my children around, and their friends, and myself, and my husband, and I’m on summer radials. Growing up in the town I did, with dirt roads and big ditches, you just didn’t question certain things, like your studs. But now I live at a lower elevation, closer to “town”, more plows going by, and I have found 47 other things to do rather than prepare my car for winter. I don’t even have a snow brush in there, just a scraper.

I do have jumper cables, because I bought them about the year 5 BK (Before Kids). I bought a really thick-cabled kind, not the cheap-o ones that crack where they have bent all season in your trunk. I used them to help a friend the other day. In fact, I had a moment of self-righteousness coupled with fear for my friends, when she asked a group of a dozen women for a jump, and I was the only one with cables. I had a feeling something like, “I was brought up right.”  So I’m embarrassed to admit about my tires.

But that’s not all.

I finally made it home, after three and a half grueling hours, half of it in the storm, and during the last 30-40 minutes I was hallucinating. The constant white snow pouring down at me caused optical illusions that maybe the car wasn’t moving at all, but I was sitting in a movie and watching snow come at me. I couldn’t see the lines in the road at all; I judged where I should be by the rumble strips on the right and the truck passing me on the left. I kept envisioning my children, and how much I loved them and wanted to get safely home to them. When I finally got home, I was shaking, my shoulders were up around my ears, and despite my best efforts, I think I had forgotten to breathe for a lot of the trip. My husband had a hot bath pouring for me, and I soaked and breathed and shook. It’s amazing, how cavalier I used to be about trips like that, before kids. Now it matters to me so much to be around for them.

So I sat in the tub and I let the true feelings have their say.

I was scared. I was really scared. I was afraid one of those cars going 60 was going to need to stop, and we were all going to plow collectively into a tree. I was afraid of slipping into the Connecticut River with no one around to see. I was afraid I wasn’t going to make it home to my family. I feared my hallucinations were going to blind me to a pedestrian on my road.

And as I sat in the tub, I knew I would have been much safer and felt much safer if I had had on my studded snow tires. They’re like little-bitty cramp-ons for your car. There is a huge difference in the way the tire grips the road. You still need to drive carefully, of course, but it’s the difference between climbing a mountain in sneakers or summertime flip-flops.

And why didn’t I have them on? Because I haven’t been putting first things first. There are a lot of things sexier than getting snow tires on. Granted, it is logistically challenging: I can either transport kids or my big tires, not both. But I could have done it a dozen times since fall and just haven’t.

As I steamed in the tub, I went over the other safety-first things I haven’t done: our “basement” is a disaster. No light except the one you carry around on the extension cord. The stairs are a death trap; I won’t go down there because I’m certain the stair will break and it’ll be like you’re trapped at the bottom of a well. Our front hallway is cluttered and a safety hazard when I’m fetching coolers for deliveries.

I don’t want to tell this stuff about our house. But I take comfort that not many people will read this. And, I need to make a commitment to myself, and this is the best way I know to do it. I am going to call the carpenter guy and see if he can build us a set of simple, safe stairs to the basement, and since we don’t have a lot of money at the moment, maybe his wife likes jewelry, and I can trade him for some of my earrings or necklaces, or even a personal session to design something for her. And I’m going to call the electrician to put in a couple of simple, safe lights in the basement that will go on with a switch and keep hands free. Maybe he can take a trade in a mixed case of Yummy Yammy, frozen for use over time.

And Monday, on the holiday, I’m going to pay the girls a nickel for each piece of sports equipment they haul in to the kitchen from the hallway, and we’re going to go through it all and get it tamed so it’s not spilling all over the one entrance to the shed. Right now there is everything from butcher block chunks to skateboards, pogo sticks to hockey sticks, golf clubs to unused Sorel boots, all sitting out there ready to trip us as we go by.

And, needless to say, Monday morning (assuming they are open on MLK, Jr. Day) I’m taking the tires in.

A little life and death energy might be just what I needed to get my priorities straight.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day 14: Dedication, Not Denial

I feel a little discouraged today, not making the progress I would like.

I slept 9 hours (!), nearly a record during the past nine years of parenting. Yet I have remained sleepy all day. I guess I wrongly think that one night of good sleep is going to make up for months and years of deprivation. The Sleep Experiment is supposed to be to get 8 hours of sleep for a week, after all, not one night.

I also made some choices today that I don’t feel great about. I bought chocolate covered ginger and raisins today (yes, dark chocolate, but really, how much more chocolate do I need?). And with my lunch I had a few pieces of baguette, which is a lovely food, but always leaves me feeling super-sleepy and bloated. Ugh. Worse, I haven’t really had any movement for a couple of days now; I feel like I am not succeeding at moving more. Again, I’d like a lifetime’s habit to change overnight, but without my having to actually change anything. I have just felt too tired to dance.

I want to believe that after a few more nights of good sleep, I’ll regain energy and be dancing and doing yoga effortlessly again.

But instead of rolling around in the lack, I’m going to choose right now to look at what went well today with my health:

* I spent the morning with my regular group of Saturday morning women friends, giving me sisterhood, shared wisdom, and laughter

* I was blessed to go to the Norwich Winter Farmers’ Market, where I had several great conversations, connected with my neighbors, got two dozen eggs from my friend’s pastured hens, and bought gorgeous, sweet organic carrots & beets. Even more amazingly for me, I was hungry for lunch, and chose not to spend money on all the options which happened to not be good choices for me (tomato-y, sweet, cold, spicy), and instead drove home for lunch.

* Made a little more progress on a very dull administrative work project (though I typically like to not “work” on the weekends)

* Had a nice chat with my girls in the car on the way to the girl scout event

* Had a nice chat with another mom during a sleepover drop-off

* Made myself a great, simple dinner of fish, cabbage, carrot, and green beans, with a little balsamic vinegar and grated parmesan, and chose not to eat the frozen pizza Greg had made for himself (well, after my fish I had one slice – it was enough). What was good about this is not that I “denied” myself pizza… it’s that I thought through what the consequences would be of having it – I feel bloated, the tomato is too acidic for me – and chose better for myself, based on what I know about my body and what I want for myself. Not rules, not promises, not resolutions, not judgment, not swearing off, not denial, not even discipline, but dedication. Dedication to myself.

* Had a nice talk with my honey-pie, since the girls are out for a few hours. Of course, what did we talk about?  The girls, as always.  Hah.

* We’re now going to play a little Boggle, our favorite pre-parenting game, and we’ll laugh a little, use a bit of our brains, and engage in a little friendly competition.

And I’m going to go to bed early tonight, partly because I’m writing this earlier tonight. So far I’ve had one night of the Sleep Experiment, and I’m going for the gold!

So I am not going to grow by leaps and bounds every day, and today is one of those mediocre days, but upon reading this review, I can say, once again, that it was enough, and I’m grateful.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day Lucky 13: Doing Enough

I have been exhausted all day. Up in the night with each of two daughters, sleeping badly, all ironically right after writing a post on my new sleep experiment!  Very funny, universe.

So I took it easy, frequently inviting myself to a pity party or a self-slug-fest, and mostly declining. I mean, isn’t what SARK says true? “You are enough, you have enough, you do enough.”

* I got almost 7 hours of bad sleep, being a good mommy

* Woke up at 6:45 to help girls get ready for school, made breakfast

* Showered and volunteered in my daughter’s art room, helping 15 kids do some great origami folding, despite their angst at how their nine-year-old fingers wouldn’t do it perfectly, immediately

* Inventoried and purchased ingredients for making Yummy Yammy on Monday: honey, toasted sesame oil, and some groceries for us

* Took out compost, did dishes, did laundry

* Thought all day about my biggest goals for the year

* Made a good lunch

* Printed out a bunch of labels for Monday’s batches of food (I usually get them done at the copy shop, but can’t this time); this is a very slow process at home, hand-feeding the printer

* Took a short nap – Yay for self-care!

* Picked up our daughters at school and stayed so Bella could skate with her friends

* Cooked a special dinner with Hope, because a friend came in from out of state – we even made a chocolate cake with glaze. This evening might have been actually the most pleasant few hours I’ve ever spent with her; she was reasonable, willing to be taught a few things, extremely helpful, and completely cheerful. Amazing. The highlight of the day.

* Visited with my friend

* Sang Bella to sleep

And this is a day that I seemed to “get nothing done”.  One thing is certain: if I am to be in a state of mental health, I need to see things clearly, from a reasonable perspective.  Like those friends of mine who seem to be okay with doing “enough”.  I was okay with it today only because I physically and emotionally just couldn’t do any more than I did. In the old days I would have plowed through my to-do list, but today I really honored my limits. I simply had to nap.

This is one of those Things That Work, because when school got out, I was a mommy who had taken care of herself, so I was content, instead of resentful or needy.

So tonight, instead of writing about anything else, I’m going to bed. The great sleep experiment continues. Wish me luck and sleeping children tonight, please!

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy

Day Twelve: The Sleep Experiment

My counselor and I came to a realization yesterday. It took her five minutes to see something I’ve missed for a decade.

All the consequences I don’t like living with, come as a result of the actions I take after 9pm.

* I eat something cold, or sweet, or rich, or acidic.

* Whatever it is, I eat too much of it.

* I watch a movie.

* I get working on a project: it could be cleaning cupboards, or making a collage, or reading a book, or most likely some business project on the computer, and the hours vanish.

* I watch fifteen video links that I won’t remember in the morning, like a long magazine.

The consequence du jour leads to my staying up late. Result?

Instead of the way it Works – get up at 6, meditate, pray, write, yoga – then help the kids get ready for school – then start my breakfast at 7:30 and my workday – I am rested, generally cheerful, very productive, and most importantly have a sense of gratitude and humor during the whole day – do something nice for myself in the afternoon – happy to see my kids at 3:30…

… instead I do it the way it Doesn’t Work – drag out of bed unwillingly at 6:45, try to come-to (after only 5 or 6 or 7 hours of sleep) while getting kids up, rush a breakfast for them, Greg makes the lunches, I’m crabby – then at 7:30 I’m too tired to meditate etc – I grumpily and drowsily start my day without it – I slump through the work without any heart – want to take a nap just as they are getting off the school bus.

As we talked about this, I felt a fear come up in me. I don’t know if I CAN go to bed, regularly, before 11 or 12. I just LOVE staying up late, because it is this time to myself, time with my husband, after the kids are asleep. They’re down, so I don’t have to “be a good role model” any more, and I can eat something “bad for me”. I can do “just one more” thing on the computer. I love that feeling of complete freedom.

But I don’t love its consequences.

Problem is, I’m very rebellious. I KNOW I “should” go to bed. But I turn into an adolescent whenever I say or hear the word “should”. (Ridiculous, I know.)

So, to try it differently, I’m not saying should. I’m not saying responsibility. I’m not saying rule, or discipline, or suggestion, or good idea, or ought.

I’m saying dedication.

Tonight, and as many “tonights” as I can over this next two weeks, I am dedicating myself to the possibility of being Happy Mommy, Contented Child of God, Wonderful Wifey, Friend of Fun… all of which are possible if I go to sleep and wake refreshed at 6am.

I experimented last night, got 7 1/2 hours of sleep, and I’ve felt great all day.  In the past, after a night like that, I’d stay up extra late the next night!

But tonight, rather than talk about it any more, I’m doing it. Here goes.

Lisa Johnson, Y’Ambassador, Yummy Yammy